Its a tough road

Lately I have been trying to get back to being "normal" what ever that means! lol
I try my hardest to cook meals for the kids, try my hardest to bake cakes, cupcakes, make cookies be domesticated. Try my hardest to clean up the house every night before we go to bed. To keep laundry cleaned, keep our rooms cleaned. I have so much work to do before Matt gets home for his R&R and oh my it seems crazy. I only have 29 days.. .which seems like a lot but with two little boys and busy schedules its not very much time. Plus with my crazy mood swings its hard. There are days I am go go and want to clean up and then days when I am like really there is no reason too. I miss Matt so much and I know its only a little hill before he gets here after the big mountain we have climbed already but it seems like one of the hardest hills we have yet to come to! I pray that we get every thing done in a timely manner and not wait till the last minute and go crazy doing it all on my own. I pray that these 29 days dont go to waste and we use every day to get ready for Daddy's arival! I pray that they go at a pace that I can handle and not to fast an dnot to slow! I pray that I am a better wife, Christian, mother after these 29 days and that it shows and my husband is proud of me! I just pray that I get through these 29 days the best that we can. :)

hmmm.

I am so sad right now. I miss Matt so much and its almost awkward missing him. I mean I have not seen him in 8 1/2 months. It is going to be so werid to see his face in person his face period! Skype has sucked so bad over there latey we dont get to Video skype any more! :( I miss the sweet look of his Video distorted face. I need him here. I have been lately feeling overwhelmed with things. Overwhelmed with taking care of two kids, taking care of 2 parents. Not talking to Matt every day or getting to talk to him for like 5 mins one day and not talk to him for 2 days. I need all the strength and patience I can get right now. I just need to pray and I know that. I just need to go to my friends and ask them to pray for me and ask them for help! I know that, I Know that I am so far in this deployment and its "Almost" over! I know that!!! I am the one living this moment irght now I am the one living this life right now and I know all the things I am going through are NORMAL! I just need to feel these feelings get over them and move on! I am being a baby at times an dI guess I am entitled to it but its hard feeling this way. All the prayers and friendships are so helping. Today I cleaned up the boys room and my room pretty good and that felt GREAT! Now like 5 more rooms to clean up really well before Matt gets home and lots I mean lots to get rid of or throw away. I know right now I need to live in the moment and not live in oh man I have 4 freaking months left but at this moment and at this time in my life that is super super hard!!! I am trying! :)

The down side.

I decided that I needed to blog on how I have been feeling lately.
I am at a stand still with this deployment. Knowing Matt will be here in only 35 days and yet it seems so far away it is driving me nuts. I miss him more and more and then feel like anger and not sure if I want to see him but do want to see him. It is very very crazy! I am super stressed and I feel it within the boys as well. They are feeding off my stress and feeding off my anger. It sucks because we have some pretty down days. I started to potty train Alex 3 days ago and its going up and down and up and down and with me being so down in the dumps its just making it that much worse. He is so stubborn and I know he knows how to pee in the potty and poop! He has done both many many times its just he is like if I dont want to mom I am not going to till its when i want to! lol He is too cute. He is doing good though. I have to say I am pretty proud of him, I thought it would be way harder. I praise God for getting me through this hard time, No matter what he is there for me and I am greatful.
I am hoping that this time goes by faster and faster. It has been going fast but feels at a stand still again. I pray that I get back on track and start being the mom and wife that I should be and not so uptight!

excited

8 months down 4 more to go! Yippie. I can not beleive I have done so well so far. I mean don't get me wrong i have had a roller coaster of a ride these past 8 months but feel like I am doing pretty good at it all. I praise God for my overcoming these 8 months. I started running a couple of months ago, I am getting better and better. I started at running just like .50 straight and then got up to 1 mile then 1.89 then 2.4 now its about 3.94-5 miles. I am so proud. I run my first 5k October 23rd and I am so excited. I also go to Zumba class and Body combat that is so much fun! I keep us busy busy. I think that also seems to help out. Always keeping us busy so that we dont have time to be sad or miss Matthew too much. We have 39 days till Matt comes for his mid tour. He will only be here for 2 weeks but anything works at this point. Although i know its going to be hard when he leaves again we know that we have our Lord there to take us by the hand and bless us. Plus we only have 2 months after that to go. It will fly after 10 months we had been through already.
Halloween is supose to be awesome this year. I am so excited. :) I have never loved Halloween the way that I love it this year and I am sure the only reason is we get to be a family!
I am so blessed.

September.

yay! We are in the month of September. 57 days till daddy should be here. We are so super excited! The boys and I are always always busy..we enjoy staying busy.
It makes the days go by faster and faster. Bry is in Soccer and he loves it. He scores goal and blocks as best as he can. Bry also is in Pre-school and he likes that as well. He goes every day at 12:15. It is nice to have him in so late so we do not have to wake up at the crack of dawn every day. Plus when class is over then we are pretty much almost done with the day! Plus we go to the gym afterward usualy after dinner. So our nights and days are pretty full on the weekdays!
The boys got their Jerseys for Halloween yesterday! Bry was so happy but was like where is my # 1 on the back? he is so silly sometimes.
Alex started tumbling class and he cried the first two classes but then liked it the third time. He loves Buzz light year. He walks around the house saying Beyond!! beyond!!
Plus Alex had his 2 year old birthday!!! he is such a big big boy!! I am so happy for him. He had a great Toy Story 3 birthday!
We started the study of Esther at church. I am so super excited I love bible study! Something else to look forward to each and every week. Plus Mops starts tomorrow back again. I am excited for our first meeting. Both Karen's joined so I am happy to have them there as well.
Time is so flying by and sooner rather than later Daddy will be here and we will be going to the Bahamas and then , Thanksgiving will come and Christmas and then the new year and then Daddy will be back and done with deployment! Oh how I cant wait for that!
I have to say that as soon as I found a church and a GREAT AWESOME Church Family the deployment has flown by. Jesus our Lord has been so awesome to us and has blessed us so well.
I am so use to it being just the boys and I throught this whole process that I am starting to think about when Matt comes for his 2 week R&R it may be a little weird. I can not imagine having him here and being apart of our every day life. Life has been going some what smooth and It just seems werid. I am still excited to have him but a little concerned plus i am concered about when the 2 weeks end how it will effect the boys behavior and how much they will miss their daddy even more and worry about their daddy leaving all the time.
I just pray we get through it all and I know we will. :)
I am truly blessed with the new friends I have made and that continue to come in to our lives. I am also Truly blessed with the friends that I have now and that continue to be there for the boys and I. God is good all the time! :)