Change

I never realized how big of a change it would be to add my parents in to the mix...
It is very different from what I could have imagine, although I dont think that I even thought what it would be like to add 2 more people in to our mix. I just thought of help! and that in itself made me happy. It is a huge adjustment and I am trying to make the best of it. At this point my parents need me and I need them. They help a bunch with the boys and My mom cooks every night. That is so awesome we have nice meals every day! They are great. At first it made me sad that Matt was not here to guide me and help me through the insanity! lol but I am starting to get use to it day by day. The days with them here go by super fast! I cant even remember sometimes what day it is. Time is flying and that is a part that I am super happy about! The boys are loving their Nana an Grandpa. One thing is Bry started to test me again to see what he can get away with while two other adults are in the house. That in itself has been such an adjustment. We miss Matt terribly but now that he has internet in his room we talk to him every day in the morning. It is nice to wake up and see his smiling face. And to hear about his day. I love my boys! and I love my family ! Change is helpful at times. :)

1 month down! 12 more to go!

Yay!! One month already! woo hoo! lets party!
Today was a bitter sweet day. A month already with out my love but its finally a milestone we passed. I actually got through our first and might be our hardest month. Today was a hard day, Bry woke up grumpy threw 2 tantrums as we talked to daddy in the am and then threw 5 more throught the day and is still throwing one as a I type! Thank God it's bed time. :) Matt finally got internet in his dorm rooms! YAY!!! And he finally got his Valentine Box! Plus my parents are about 6 hours away!!! :) That in itself is bitter sweet... I have listened to music all day awaiting my parents. Music soothes my soul! I forgot how much I loved music and realized how much I miss it. My last day with all the freedom in the world lol.. Freedom to walk around in my small tiny pjs... freedom to do whatever I want in my own house. Yet it brings a new freedom, freedom to go get my massages, freedom to go shopping on my own. :) Can't wait to see what this next month brings.

So we are celebrating our first semi holiday with out daddy. You would think that this holiday might make me sad... might make me miss my husband even more. In all reality it didn't I missed him just the same lol ... and I was not at all sad today. I had the best two valentine's today. We woke up and had cinamon rolls.. Bry knows Daddy loves Cinnamon rolls and asked if we could send one to him in the mail . :) then we made pizza for lunch.. Yummy!! and then played cooking and cleaned up the living room ... then Had pasta for dinner. After that we decided to make Heart shaped cupcakes and decorate them! then we played kick ball !! We had a wonderful Valentine's day ! It was nice.. I do miss my hubby and we did get to talk to him today so that was awesome. He is such an awesome man! Hope everyone else had a Happy Valentine's day.

Keeping my fingers crossed....

Still no parents yet. Hopefully by monday! :) I am keeping my fingers crossed. I rea!lly need a break! These boys can be a lot of work somedays. I have so much tension and tension headaches. I can not wait till I can go get my massages. I sure do need them. Plus their company will help bunches! not just for me but for the boys also. :) it will sure be a nice change. I put Alex to bed tonight his normal time and he started to cry a half an hour later and I went to check in on him and he threw up all over himself and his bed! :( So I amdoing his laundry! and waiting for that before I put him back to bed. Plus Bry has a new bedtime routine. He comes to my bed for a half an hour extra after alex's goes to bed to cuddle with me and watch Wow Wow Wubbzy! He loves the extra attention well with Alex throwing up it threw his time all off and he was running aruond playing! I told him if he did not lay down and relax he was going to go straight to bed.. he did not listen and I followed through with what I told him.. Well he screamed and cried for 20 mins!!! kicking the bed and floor! Sometimes I wonder where I get my patience from! :) Hefinally stopped and I went in there and cuddled him , sang his favorite song ( you are my Bryan) and gave him big kisses and he is now asleep. Now I just have to get alex to bed and hope he does not throw up again tonight.. or tomorrow. Hopefully my night gets easier and I get some good nights rest.

3 Weeks down. :)

Yes, Oh my it's been three weeks now since I last hugged and kissed my husband! I miss him so much!!!! Every day I hope and pray that he gets to call us on Skype and talk to us. I am at a point where it does not break my heart totally if we are unable to talk to him that day. I am getting use to not being able to talk to him too often. They still do not have the best internet so there are days we do not get to talk to him, and days were we talk to him for 5 mins or so and he suddenly gets kicked off and I know he wont be back online that day.
Bryan is getting better each day. He does have his downs though.. and that is always tough but I have become a lot stronger of a mom. I am pretty proud of how well we are doing and how much patience I have gained. This morning he broke my heart, He said mommy, I lost my daddy and i can't find him!!! i think he had a dream about his daddy! :( Poor little guy! He loves to talk to his daddy on skype. He always seems to do so much better on the days he does see him!
Alex finally got to see his daddy on Skype! He gets very happy.. And Alex does not normally talk. He is my little Grunter when he wants things ( we are slowly working on him talking) Well the other day we seen daddy on Skype and I said Say hi Daddy.. and Alex did just that!! He said Hiiiii Dadddi... :) It made me so proud and I bet it Made Matt feel awesome!! :) I was a bit jealous! lol He talks for his daddy but not me. After that day he started to talk a little bit more. :)
My parents should be here soon! I am so excited for that. They are packing their stuff up and getting things done over at their home.. so they should soon be on their way! YAY!
Finally we will be able to come home to some one being here! That will make me feel so much better. I can't wait! :) I am ready for a break! :)

GIRLS NIGHTOUT! :)

Due to my Great Mother in law I get to go see Dear John tonight with my buddies! I am so excited. I am ready to cry my head off lol ! I have been waiting for this day for 2 weeks now I think. :) I am ready for a break and its a break that I can just relax the whole time knowing that they are with My mother in law and they love her so much.
Today I was thinking about my husband and my first date. How it was so funny because he picks me up and he opens my door for me and then closes it when I get in.. He turns on the car and Blarring in the car is Frayser boy. Big time RAP! It was too funny to me to see my cute little date total White boy clean cut listens to RAP! LOL I was shocked! I never imagined it. I honestly had to play the first song we ever heard together today and thought of that date.. and Just reminised! I miss him so much. I have been talking to him more on Skype! We are so blessed. I know there are families who have no idea where and what their family member is doing. I know some dont get to talk for weeks! I am trully blessed with everyone who loves us and takes care of us and worries about us. Keep the Prayers coming. I love you babe!

DEAR JOHN HERE I COME!!! :)

Never fails...

So yesterday after being excited about the fact that we were on the start of week 3, We had a tough day. Bryan is so clingy to me. Every where in the house I go he is following 5 seconds behind me, being the only parent here and having the kids 24/7 and them getting sick and us being cooped up at home... is over whelming. Bry was not taking naps for like 3 days .... and calling me from his room and kicking and hitting the way all through out nap time. Alex was fussy all day mostly yesterday. We went and mailed daddy's Valentine's day care package yesterday as well and it weighed 50 lbs!!! A great man helped me bring it in to the post office. I was very blessed that he happend to be there and help me take it to the counter as I had Bry with me. I miss Matt so much! It is hard not talking to him and not seeing him. When the kids act up or I feel overwhelmed I break down because I just want him here. I just want his kisses and I want his hugs.
I hate that the Military has not supplied these men with more options to talk to their families. The familes left behind need that support from the deployed family member. We need to see them and talk to them at least more than we have. My boys need to see their daddy. It breaks my heart each and every day that they do not have their daddy here to help them play h ockey or help them be good boys. Matt finally got to skype me again last night and that was such a releif after my day. I love him so much he is so great. Even with me crying my head off to him he tried his hardest to be strong for me and let me know that he feels the same way. He misses us just as much as we miss him. He wants to see us and be with us and is so hurting when he does not get to see us too! He is so supportive. He always tells me that I look great. He thinks I am wonderful! I love him so much... He is such a great loving man!
I am proud of myself , I have finally started cooking dinner for the boys again, Yet I realized why I did not for 2 weeks. It makes me honestly sad to sit at the table with them and not have my husbad there eating as a family. I feel sad that Matt is so far away and not getting the yummy home cooked meal that we are. Then at the same time it makes me feel great when the boys love the food and are so excited to sit there at the table as a "family" I am still trying so hard to make things normal for them.
Bryan is on night 3 of sleeping in his own bed. I am so proud of him. one night I just said ok you are sleeping in your bed and he wa sok with it. He is such an awesome kid. He is listening to me a little more and it makes me proud. I love my boys so much they keep me going ... :) I am ready for a time when we have good days and keep the good days and not have a good day and then have a horrible day the next! It never fails....

Really 2 weeks??!

We are at the end of 2 weeks already! Starting on Week 3! I miss my husband a whole lot! His Internet is still very bad. I no longer wait by the computer to see if he can come online each and every day. I just realized we can not live our life around the computer, we have to get on with our lives and live it, so that the days fly by. I was feeling a little down not being able to talk to Matt as often as I would like, not bein able to hear his voice on saturday, so I called up my in laws and we went there for the afternoon and evening. :) It was nice to be around family. I love my mother in law and father in law so much. They have been there for us throught all this time, they take Bryan every other weekend to sleep over on the weekend! :) They are wonderful! All of my friends have been great too! :) I am so blessed to have them all on my side. My parents are suppose to be coming soon as well. :) I am trully excited for them to come! I know they will trully be a help. I got a really great email from Matt the othe rnight since that is our only form of contact at this point ( his work email) ! It made my night! He is such a wonderful man! I am so proud of him. Bryan is acting up now and then and being mean. He is in what my friend calls his anger stage of his daddy being gone. Her son went throgh the same type of thing and it lasted most of his daddies deployment so I am trying to deal with that right now. Plus the boys keep getting sick with coughs and colds right now.. We are dealing all well right now. :) I am pretty happy with the way we all seem to be coping as of yet. I am happier now. I laugh and play with the boys. I am doing my best and I hope it shows.....