Just the way I remembered.....

Seeing his face, he looks just the way I remembered! It was such a wonderful site. He finally got to video call us last night. It was such a relief after 9 days of not seeing him. it made my night It was great to flirt and laugh with him just as if he was in the same room with me. It made me realize how much more I am in love with that man. I am so proud of him, I am so proud of the man that he is and continues to be. He makes me so happy. As he talked to our oldest son, I could see how much he misses us! I see that he feels the same way we do. I know he has that empty feeling deep inside as well... and it makes me ache for him. He is doing so well though. He found a group of Canadians to play hockey with! LOL Yes even in Afghanistan my husband finds HOCKEY!! lol He lives and Breathes hockey! SO I was so releived to find out that he is playing the sport that he loves. I honestly thought initially I would be jealous that he is still living his life and doing what makes him happy.. but realized how much I truly love this man and how he is truly my best friend and I just want him happy. Me and the boys have to sit here and stilllive our lives with out him... and make our selves happy, so I was so happy for him to be doing the same. I have high hopes.. and I feel like a stronger woman after talking to him! :)

One week down.

We survived a week! With help from GREAT friends we actually got through the first week yay!
We still don't get to talk to Matt on a schedule yet, which is hard. I notice that days I actually do chat with him I have a better out look on the day. It's nice to know he has things to do. He found people to play Hockey with on Sundays! That is my Matt always finding hockey where ever he goes. I am glad that he has that to get him through the week. :)

The boys and I are sick with colds and coughs so that is tough. We have a lot of whiney moments that drive me batty! Plus I got a root canal yesterday and although it did not hurt too much yesterday, it hurts today. Bryan accidently jumped on my face with his head, and hit my tooth!!! OUCH!
Just like everyone who has gone through deployments said things are getting easier.. in fact We actually went to the post office again today and it was a breeze! :) I had my paper work filled out before hand and just went in there handed them the package and got out of there fast and easy.
Week 2 already started and I have to say I am ready for it.. :)

I talked to him!

He finally called us. He got to his final destination on early Saturday morning. :) So he was able to call us on his co workers Skpye phone line and I talked to him for a bit. It was so great to hear his voice. I am finally doing a bit better. I had a day full of no tears finally yesterday! Woo hoo!
I hope that we get to hear from him again soon. He said that he does not have internet in his room yet but hopefully within the next 2 weeks they will have it. I have been on cloud 9 since I talked to him last night. I have a super duper smile on my face. I am so in love with my husband and so proud of him!

It will get better....

I hear those words on a daily basis now... I know they will come true soon but how soon? I wish it was today I wish it was yesterday! Yesterday I had an awful day. I cried pretty much all of the day and just had no will to do anything. I miss Matt horribly we hardly get to talk and when we do its kind of short and on Instant messege. I can not wait till he gets to his final destination and we are able to set some sort of schedule. I miss him horribly! i do not feel myself with out him here. I need his hugs, I need him to tell me things will be ok. I need him to love on me and tease me and make me laugh. Or do I? Maybe I just want all those things and not need them but I feel horrible with out him here. I look at my two sweet little boys faces and feel horrible for being so down. All they want is to play and eat and just have a good time and there goes mommy again crying.
My really good friend came over last night and just sat and talked with me and although at first I was worried and skepticle that it would do any different, it did wonders! I felt honestly better after she left and fell straight to sleep! She just sat there and accepted me crying and being a mess and that made me feel great. Then not being totally alone at night made me feel better too. Hearing her experiences and feelings helped a bit too.
I see today as once again a new day and i am ready to start this battle all over again. I am ready to try and smile and be happy and know that my husband is safe and we will do ok with out him.
So as I carry a smile on my face and a warm heart I start our day....

Break down...

So today I had so many errands to run.. And had to run them all with my two crazy boys! We went to the Credit union in St louis and they were all over the place. Then we went to the Dr.s office and once again opening things and grabbing things and running up to people! Then to the pharmacy to get Alex's Medicine for his ear infection. Then after that we had to send daddy his 2nd big foot locker full of junk foods... and that was a mess!!! The boys went crazy in the post office I was so embarrased! I feel like blaming Matt, blaming myself, blaming my boys, yet I know deep down inside there is no one to blame. I am trying so hard to be strong for all of us it just becomes too much sometimes. I have gotten to talk to Matt 2 times now since he left and have gotten one email from him and he is not yet where he is going to be living for the next 13 months. I can not wait till we all get in to a routine and when we can have times to see him on Skype and talk on the internet! I need him, I need his hugs I need him to be here and tell me things will be ok and calm me down. I have been a crying mess now for 20 mins but Now I get to pick myself back up and keep going for the three men in my life!

He's gone.. Day 1

I totally forgot what is was like to take care of both boys on my own! I did not realize until today that Matt does alot to help our days go by nice and smooth. I am truly blessed to have him in my life. The boys did pretty good today, no big tantrums of any sort thank goodness. Alex is sounding really sick though so when we chatted with Matt on Skype he asked me to take him to the Dr. tomorrow. As it gets later in the evening I start to get sad, I am starting to feel lonley. I am trying not to look at the big picture, yet that is really hard. When Bry acts up I think I have to deal with a whole year of this?! It really depresses me.
Such a bitter sweet moment this morning was, I mean at least we started our 13 month Journey, but we no longer have Daddy here which is hard. 13 Months seems so long at this point, I only hope it flies by.
I am very happy at the way everyone has been stepping up, most of all my friends have let me know that they are more than happy to help out. My Mother in law even called me today to make sure we were doing good! Every one has brought my spirits up. I just hope that this does not fade in time. I will need them by my side throught this whole Journey... I guess it is time for bed to wake up and see what Tomorrow brings.....

One more week.

Where did the end of December and the start of January go?!?! It is officially a week till the love of my life leaves and we start our 365 day journey with out him. We being 2 Dogs a Cat and 2 turtles and my 2 boys Bryan and Alex and Me . Bryan is 2 1/2 and Alex is 1 1/2 . They are both daddys boys and I am sure going to be a wreck once daddy leaves. We are going to try hard to stay strong for one another. :) I plan on staying busy busy and keeping the boys occupied as much as I can so that our year goes by super fast. We also have the best of friends to help us get through this tough time.
We have done a couple TDY's 1 week and 3 week ones so they are nothing compared to what we have to endure soon but we have some experience.
I hope to come on as often as time and my boys will let me and share our journey, the pain,the happiness,the struggle, everything I can. :) So far with this week ahead I have been sad here and there and have cried a bit lately. I look at My love and just cry thinking I wont be able to see him face to face and hug him soon... for a long time. Bryan knows daddy is going and he is worried every time Daddy leaves the room he is like MOmmy where is Daddy? where did he go? He already asked daddy not to leave! Alex I am sure does not understand much of the idea that daddy is leaving but i am sure it will affect him just as much as it does Bryan and me. He is going to change so much while Daddy is gone and I feel so bad that daddy has to miss most of it. Alex only has 4 teeth as of yet, and does not really talk that much except for baby babble. So Bryan and I have the pleasure of teaching Alex to talk more and potty training him and him teething ! :) As of today I feel ready, we have known he is leaving us since August and it has been a tough tough journey since then, but we are almost here and almost ready to go.